Pointless Crossover the Second
by Mad Vampire Poet
Summary: This is not quite a sequel to Pointless Crossover, it is only named so because it is exactly so. I could sum up the 'plot' in one line. But I'm not going to. Suffice to say, I hate Twilight, but I hope it's still funny to those who like it.


Pointless Crossover the Second

**Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer.**

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><p>Spike opened his eyes, immediately closing them again afterwards. He groaned. His head hurt, and his memory of last night wasn't quite what you'd call clear. He lay his head down and fell off the sofa, waking him up more. He sighed. It was pointless to sleep now, so he got up, and took a shower. After he was dressed, he decided a walk would be good to clear his thoughts a little. Besides, he needed more blood.<p>

…

His head was still throbbing as he entered the butcher shop. Oh, how he hated hangovers. _Especially _when that idiot walked in and stood behind him. The clothes he wore, were in Spike's opinion, absolutely _horrid. _His hair stuck up in all directions, like he didn't know how to use a comb. The colour wasn't bad, but looked like it had been dyed. Spike's own hair _was _peroxide blonde, but he reasoned that at least his hair was meant to look unnatural. He had a feeling this persons hair was meant to look natural. Worst of all, was the guys scent. He smelled like he was wearing some kind of horrible perfume! He didn't appear to be breathing for some weird reason.

"Why don't you have a heartbeat?" The weird guy asked.

"What?" Spike asked, not sure he was hearing right. How would the guy know if he had a heartbeat or not? That was when Spike realised the guy didn't have a heartbeat either. "Who are you?"

"I'm Edward Cullen." He said. "I'm sure you've heard of my family. My father, Carlisle, is a doctor." Spike shook his head.

"No, I haven't heard of you! What the bloody hell is wrong with your hair!" Spike said.

"My hair?" Edward repeated, puzzled. Spike sighed.

"Yes, your hair. Look, I have a hangover, and I really don't like to be annoyed when I have a hangover, do you?" Edward said nothing.

"Sir?" Spike turned around to see the butcher staring at him. "Are you going to buy something or just stand there wasting my time all day?"

…

After Spike left the shop, the annoying guy named Edward Cullen (such a stupid name) followed him out.

"You never answered my question." He said.

"My, you're awfully persistent, aren't you?" Spike said, voice dripping with sarcasm. He turned around, now in game face. "If you must know, I'm a vampire. Would you like to say why you don't have a pulse?"

"I am also a vampire." Edward said. Spike muttered something along the lines of 'yeah right'.

"Look, Edmund-"

"It's Edward." Edward corrected.

"Whatever, Edgar." Spike said. "There's no way you could be a vampire. I'd know if you were. I'd smell the vanpire blood. But you… you just smell like you're wearing icky perfume." Then he thought: _Icky? Why did I say that? Spending too much time with Dawn. _

Suddenly, a cloud moved. Spike cried out and ducked for cover in the shade. Edward just stood there. As Spike was sitting in the shadows, wincing from his burns, he noticed something. Something bad. Something horrible. Something so bad and horrible that Spike wished he would just die now. Edward was sparkling.

Spike just stared at him. What was wrong with him? Did he have some kind of skin problem? Why the hell was he sparkling? And so he asked him.

"I'm a vampire. All vampires sparkle." Edward said. Spike stared at him in horror.

"What planet do you live on? Vampires don't sparkle! We burn! Like this, see?" Spike reached his arm out into the light, watching it burn. He then pulled it back, quickly extinguishing the fire. He saw that Edward had intinctively backed away. And then Spike knew how he could kill him. He spied out of the corner of his eye, something that would help him. A branch, and a bunch of smaller sticks. He lit them on fire with his lighter, and pushed the weired guy in. He soon burned to death, and Spike was able to relax. But not for long.

A woman ran out at from nowhere, and, to Spike's horror, she also sparkled.

"Why? Why did you just kill my husand!" The woman broke down in sobs, gasping for breath she didn't need. Spike shoved her into the fire he'd just made, and went home.

…

A while later, Buffy came knocking on the door. He answered it, and she came inside.

"You won't believe who I killed today." She said.

"Who?" He asked.

"Well, I don't know their names, but it was these six people who sparkled and were really, really annoying,"Spike's face paled.

"There are more of them? Bloody hell!"


End file.
